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Meat the Candidates!

A month ago, I posed a question to my stellar employees at Avalanche Pizza; “What’s the sickest, most annoying and absurd pizza we could make that would still taste great.” I got alot of responses, but the one I loved the best was, “You mean, like freakish, like this election?”

That’s when the idea hit! A giant pie made out of two pounds of delicious, King Family Farm pork as a crust slathered topped with our famous organic pizza sauce, mozzarella, provolone and natural casing pepperoni. J.B. and Charlene King raise thier pigs with comfort and care, never using GMO feed or with antibiotics. Happy pork just tastes better, is better for the animal and because we add no chemicals, it’s better for you.

Yes folks, the MEAT ROMNEY or BARACK OBAMEAT was born. It truly is “disgustilicous,” a term I’ve coined for a few of our over-the-top creations such as the “Bride of Wonderboy”, (hot dog stuffed crust with mustard, mac and cheese stuffed crust, bacon, beef, onions, cheddar, mozzarella, provolone, tomato, dill pickles then topped with french fries and slathered in ketchup.)

So, when you call into Avalanche, you can vote for two different names and we will tally the winner or loser. Don’t kid yourself, it’s the same pizza. After eating this wonderul pie, (if you can manage a slice,) you are guaranteed to feel like you’ve just seen another bizarre debate or heard how much money is floating around the campaign coffers from scumbag millionaires.

Not gourmet enough? Not consistant with the norms of our society and it’s glorious culinary history that includes the Twinkie, Velveeta, deep fried pickles, Spam and Count Chocula? That so-called “food” may be awful, harmful, nasty and downright sickening, but we’ve all eaten and enjoyed it at some time or another.

 That’s why our Meat Romney and Barack Obameat will bring us all back down to earth from the righteous culinary clouds we’d like to think we inhabit and will smash you upside the head with two pounds of absurdity. (Just like our electoral system!)  Besides, we are donating $5 bucks for each sausage crust pie we sell to United Appeal for Athens County.

united appeals logo

Hey, calm down! At Avalanche, our moniker is “WE PUT THE ‘A’ IN GOURMET.”                        Bon appetito!

September 15th Baking. Many Thanks to my Customers!

It’s the crackle that makes autumn my favorite season. The air, the crunchy leafs, the crust on a nice baguette and even the snap, crackle and pop of my old bones as I load up my bread booty makes me feel happy this time of year. Even though it’s a tough nut to bake for 12 hours straight with no break, it can be very rewarding to take traditional baking methods and practices and twist them like a patient in a staight jacket. My “take” on the traditional Pissaladiere starts with a Jackson Pollack melange of Asiago, provolone, anchovy and garlic roasted onions, Kalamata olives, capers and some wonderful cows-teat heirloom tomatoes. After cutting, I put some garlic-champagne vinegar and anchovy macerated Raddichio di Treviso (yes, I always say “Del Traviso”-my bad) and some more Peruvian anchovies marinated in herbs and Spanish olive oil.

Man, I love baking. Thanks to my customers, I feel I have the best job in the world!

 

This is our large 45-ounce “Flintstone Wheels” that fulfills any bread need for at least a week and the delicious mushroom pizza with fresh spinach, Parmiggiano Reggiano, Fontina, porcini, button, portobello, shiitake mushrooms all baked with thyme and roasted garlic and finished with black truffle oil…. Kinda makes you say “Amen” with every bite.

 

This time of year really brings out the wonderful yellow from the fruits of the land like this roasted butternut squash, Japanese eggplant, kale and carrot topped Pizza al Metro that Chef Patty Nally made with gruyere cheese, or my variation of Escalavada Catalana on an 80-hour pre-fermented ciabatta dough topped with manchego cheese, red, green and yellow sweet peppers, red onion, eggplant and Spanish Sherry vinegar.

 

More yellows arrive from everywhere to add sweetness to pizzas and schiacciata making the term “Agrodolce” ring especially true when Chef Nally skins and slices some mango to go on a great schiacciata with Gorgonzola and peaches. Our baking is quite a production and sometimes feels like the Ford assembly line.

 

Joel Fair, Avalanche General Manager, is also a great help in the far-off hours of the morning. He handles those dicey calls and deliveries after the bars close and forms numerous breads like the Afghani snowshoe na’an with horseradish, parmesan, dill, lemon zest and black sesame and the Asiago and Sea salt Fougasse.

By the time the nine a.m. hour arrives, I’m spazzed, spaced, horrified at the speed of time and excited at the possibility of  finishing on time. The final large Sicilian pizza al metro’s have proofed all night and are “crowning” out of the oven. The prominent smell of deep wheat in the crust reflects the three day retardation under refrigeration even though they are topped with Grande provolone, Stanislaus Valoroso tomatoes, fresh basil and fresh mozzarella.

 

My biggest concern now is remembering what is in the finished products. Luckily Chef Nally has the common sense to write things down so I don’t  have to hear, “Let me get this straight, you DON’T KNOW WHAT IS IN YOUR BREAD?” Despite all the hardships, burns, stress and lack of sleep, the most rewarding thing any small business owner can have is dedicated customers. I thank all of you for keeping me baking.

Here is another somewhat spacey video taken with almost everything we baked this last weekend for the Athens Farmers Market, one of the best farmers markets in the country.